be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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