the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
