I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
