you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
