Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
