remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
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