Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
