remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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