So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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