Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
