So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Randomize
