My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
