I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
