your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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