I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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