I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
