Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
there is glitter all over my balls
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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