end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
