Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He? As in you personified your dick?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
