I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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