Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
