Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
