i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
