I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
