So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
