So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize