what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
