I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize