Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i think i have two assholes
im holly from the hills drunk
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He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
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k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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