I didn't shave. On purpose
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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