He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
