i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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