is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
