Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
