does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
