I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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