I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
