I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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