she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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