you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
how does that bad decision feel?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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