Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
