We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
