I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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