getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
