ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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