when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
