Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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