my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
