I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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