now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
