Heybabeimwearingurpanties
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
