I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
This is the high leading the old right now
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Randomize
