ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
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Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
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All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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