he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
