i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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