Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I think a kid would responsible me up
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
