fuck your aforementioned shoe
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
