There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
