I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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