also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
