Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
