i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
