Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
People in love make me want to vomit
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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