we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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