it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
